Saturday, January 26, 2008

last thought

dear everyone,
if i were ever to die i would like the following.
1. at my funeral, nobody will wear black. ever color worn will be a neon bright color. i dont want my death to be mourned, i would like my life to be rejoiced.
2. i would like some of my photography blown up and mounted onto the walls.
3. i would like to give everything i own to my favorite dog princess, who means absolutely the world to me.
4. no sad music during the mass please, lets hear some reverie sound revue, nujabes and daft punk.
5. i would like to be cremated and my ashes scattered among every continent in the world. i want to be everywhere when i die when really i will be nowhere.
6. all my art, sayings, and writings put into a book, doesnt have to be pretty, just has to be together.
7. if i ever DO die, i just want to leave everyone with this message. love, when you have a choice, choose love. when theres bitterness or wickedness, chose love. and please, oh God please, love with eyes closed, because thats where the real beauty shines through.





also, if i do die, im happy. im happy because i've toutched the lives of everyone ive met, even if it was with just a simple smile. i may not have done everything i wanted to do but, i've impacted the lives of everyone i've come into contact with, and that is enough for me. oh and also mom and dad, thank you so much for putting me through such hard times, if you hadnt, i would be just like everyone else. i know it seemed as if i never respected you but i really did, ask anyone, i talk VERY highly about you guys.
Mom, youre my rock, my foundation, without you i could never survive, i know you never want me to leave you but trust me, i never want to leave you either because im afraid of not seeing your beautiful face every night.
Dad, thank you for believing in me every step of the way. thank you for putting me through such hard time as a child. i hated you for it but now i see the method in your madness, you did it out of love and i in return say, i love you daddy, my heart and soul, you made me the strong boy i am today.
Kuya, youre lazy as fuck, but trust me, you were an amazing brother, you never picked me up on time and yelled at me for no reason but when it counted you were always there, and i know we're not speaking currently but i just want to say that when i said "i dont respect you" i lied, youre my older brother, you take care of all of us, you are so poised under pressure and you can make any situation a great one, why wouldnt i respect you?
ate nicole, haha dear God, i treat you like shit, not because i hate you and not because im ashamed of you but because i love you. i treat you like this because i have no other way of expressing it, if i hug you its just weird >.<. but trust, i really do love you, and thank you for keeping all my secrets......most of the time. ate cecil, you skank slut, you know i love you. and even though i never make you clothes or have photoshoots with you, you are beautiful to me and everyone around you, now YOU just have to believe it. trust me, i have never seen so much inner beauty until the day we became close. onto my friends. guianne, hi. i know we're not attached at the hip anymore but, thats ok with me. youre spreading your wings and going in other directions and i have got to say that i am so proud of you. you have taken every hardship life has given you and you faced it with adversity. honestly girl, youre my role model, and i have no idea why but i have a feeling that we'll be together until the very end. Joe, sup kid. i know that ever since erwin came back we've drifted and at first, it hurt, getting chosen over, but then i remembered, youre still always there for me. sometimes you get on my nerves but, you really are my best guy friend. i tried on so many occasions to fix your broken heart, but as i told you before, if i fixed it, you would never learn to fix it yourself. all i have to say is, dont take life too seriously, take all your insecurities and throw them out the window because youre the real you without them. Krista, my BFF023. for some reason its hardest writing yours (besides my families), you really are my other half. i cant think of anything to say except thank you, for the laughs, tears and conversations. you probably are the biggest impact on my life, though we never hang anymore, babygirl, youre my only TRUE babygirl haha. when i bag on you, dont feel hurt, its just because i dont know how else to say i love you. k? and last.......Phat. ok everyone roll your eyes now, but seriously phat. you really do mean the world to me, you did back then and you do now. i love you still and i cant help but feel that im never going to forget you. i just wish that all your love goes to someone deserving because, just trust i know, you deserve so much in this life, you just have no idea. ok? i love you always numnum, and my heart will always and ONLY belong to you. last. last. last. dear me. i hope you remembered not to take everything so seriously because remember, life is just one big canvas, what colors are you going to use to paint your life? and while you know beauty lies within and it hurts everyday knowing that nobody else can see that beauty in you, just know, someone somewhere did and believe me, you mean the world to them. just trust babyboy. you mean the world to someone :]